Acknowledge the problem
How do you know when your relationship has hit a dead-end? Sometimes the answer is obvious. Other times you may not be so sure. Here are some signs that it is time to end your relationship:
You always feel frustrated.
You find reasons to spend time apart.
You wish your relationship was more like the way it was in the beginning.
You changed your values, beliefs or goals to accommodate your partner with the hope that the relationship would get better. It didn’t.
You have drastically changed your appearance so that your partner will find you more attractive.
You have cut off close relationships with friends and family members to be with your partner.
You are being physically, emotionally or sexually abused.
If you and your partner are constantly fighting, if you don’t share the same beliefs or goals, and (especially) if you are being abused, it is time for your relationship to end. But what if you are stuck in a mediocre relationship? On a scale of 1-10, your relationship is a six. Should you risk what you already have in the hopes of finding something better? Only you can decide. But the bottom line is, a relationship should add to your quality of life, not taking away from it.
Make a decision.
Make sure that you assess the issue from a clear, rational perspective. Never make a decision when you feel angry. Take the time to consider the consequences of all your possible actions – especially if you have children together. Ending a marriage is not the same as breaking things off with a guy you’ve been seeing casually for a few months. Whatever you choose to do, you must be confident in your decision.
Find a neutral setting.
The best place to have “the talk” is a private, neutral setting. Find someplace where the two of you will have the privacy to freely express yourselves and show your emotions. Restaurants and other public places are generally a bad idea. The last thing you want is your partner weeping, yelling or calling you names in front of a live audience.
On the other hand, if you are afraid that your partner may react violently, definitely end your relationship in a public setting where you can call for help if necessary.
Choose your words carefully.
Start by letting your partner know how much you value the good parts of your relationship. Maybe, he is a great listener. Maybe he has a killer sense of humour. Tell him how much you’ve gained or learned from your relationship. Go above and beyond the standard by saying something like, “You’re a great guy, but…” or, “It’s not you, it’s me.” Tell him something genuine and from the heart that he can remember and, hopefully, find comfort in later.
Prepare for backlash.
Your partner may be so devastated by your break-up that his only recourse is to hurt you in return. It’s an immature reaction, but we’re all human. If your partner starts throwing out verbal and emotional slings and arrows, resist the temptation to fire back. Understand that he is only trying to hurt you because he feels hurt. Be the bigger person and hold your tongue. If that doesn’t work, just walk away.
Don’t blame yourself.
You are ending your relationship because it is the best move to make for both of you. If you are addressing the situation honestly, without placing blame or judgment on your partner, there is no reason to feel guilty. You are attempting to end the relationship as painlessly as possible. But the truth is, his feelings will probably be hurt. Just know you are not obligated to take responsibility for his feelings. All you can do is be honest with him and with yourself. In the end, you have to do the right thing.
Make a clean break.
A few days, weeks or even months after your break up, you may start to reminisce about your ex-partner. You may start thinking about all the good times you had, or wonder what he is up to. These are normal and natural feelings, but it is important not to act on them. There is a reason why you ended the relationship in the first place, and starting things up again will only reopen old wounds. Keep your distance, at least for a few months, until you can get back on your feet. And no matter what, do not drink and dial. Booty calls are strictly off limits.
Allow yourself grieving time.
Ending a relationship means losing a person who used to be a significant part of your life. Even if you are the one breaking it off, the loss is bound to hurt. Allow yourself to feel the sadness and grief that naturally accompanies a break-up. These emotions are nothing to be ashamed of and signify the real feelings you once had for another.
When you end a relationship, you may feel as if you’ve lost a part of yourself. Understand that this feeling will go away in time. Until then it is important to let go of the past and learn from your mistakes. Breaking up with someone doesn’t make you a bad person. It makes you honest and uncompromising about who you are and what you want out of life and love.
Do you fight fair?
No relationship is perfect, and at some point you’re going to have a confrontation with a coworker, neighbor or someone you love. Disagreements can be a way to respectfully voice your opinion and carefully consider the other person’s thoughts - or they can be an all-out, name-calling fiasco.
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